Kamis, 27 Januari 2011
for the previous entry
i never meant to hurt you, i just want to say what i want to say. it's hard to keep this inside of me for months and as you know, its killing me inside.
The Differences
liking somebody, is like the way she likes her classmates.
when she stares at him, and whispers to her friends, "i guess i like him"
when she hears his voice, she just smiles and keeps walking.
when she jokes with him, she just laughs.
when she makes fun of him, and he holds her hands and begs her to stop,
she just laughs and laughs and laughs, but her heart beats normally.
and the next day, she will say to her friends, "i like him no more."
loving somebody, is like the way she loves that guy.
when she stares at him, she cant see anything but him.
when she hears his voice, she would stand there and keeps listening.
when she jokes with him, she feels so awkward.
when he brings her up, and pushes her down.
When he gives her spirit, but he takes her soul away.
But strangely, it doesn’t matter for her.
She keeps smiling and smiling and being patient.
when she passes his class door,
she will stop and take a look.
when it's no one around her, she will sneak up and try to hear his voice.
she listens to his laughters, and she will feel so warm.
when her friends ask her, "do you like him?"
she just says nothing.
if her friends ask this, "do you love him?"
she will say, "yeah i do."
when he makes her being his plan B, she will just stare and keeps loving him, no matter what.
when he hurts her, she just stands and holds everything deep inside, saying that everything will be okay.
when he is sick, she will cry in the middle of the night,
and she prays to her God, "cure him, please. I beg You."
when he hurts her, she just stands and holds everything deep inside, saying that everything will be okay.
when he is sick, she will cry in the middle of the night,
and she prays to her God, "cure him, please. I beg You."
when she asks him, "do you like me?"
and he says, "i did, but now i dont like you no more."
she just laughs with tears and says "its okay."
because, his happiness always be her priority.
because, his happiness always be her priority.
because, when somebody loves someone, they would do anything. even that someone always hurts them and makes them cry, they will say, with laughters and tears running down their face "i do still love him."
that is the difference, between liking and loving.
how less he hurts her, then she goes away, it means she likes him.
how hard he tries to hurt her, she will stands up and says, "i still love you, no matter what you do." it means, she loves him.
how less he hurts her, then she goes away, it means she likes him.
how hard he tries to hurt her, she will stands up and says, "i still love you, no matter what you do." it means, she loves him.
this is a meaningful and breathtaking lyrics for me.
Awkward baby (awkward baby), awkward darling (awkward darling)
Awkward (awkward), awkward (awkward)
Awkward (awkward), awkward (awkward)
Awkward (awkward), awkward, yeah
Awkward you, awkward me
Awkward after all this time a .... chance to meet
On the street so crowded with hustlers and dreams
And it's even more awkward seein' you wearin' that ring
And I can't say what happened, can't say when
I never thought that I'd get to see you again
I got, plenty more .... for all the .... I've been through
And I really can't believe it, is that really you
And it's killing me to see you again
And I can't help but wonder
If you'll really be with him for the long run
What have I done (huh)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (mmm)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (oh baby)
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know
You know
Awkward baby (awkward baby) (mmm)
Awkward darling (awkward darling) (mmm)
Awkward (awkward) (mmm)
Awkward (awkward) (yeah)
Awkward and I
Seem to feel like it's all a
Case of deja-vu but I, prefer to call it karma
'Cos usually I'm the one that's breaking apart
And after so much drama now it's me that's falling apart
And girl it's killing me
Find it so hard to breathe
Thought the grass was greener
But now I'd give anything to have you alone now
Just tell me how (huh)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (oh)
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (mmm)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (ooh)
Think about you all of the time (baby think about you all of the time)
Gotta let you know (ooh gotta let you go baby)
You know
I was waiting for your love, you can only wait so long
I was hoping and praying you would see what was goin' on
Now we're standing here with open hearts
And I'm chained inside my world
Know you lost me boy and you can't change that
It's obviously clear (uh uh)
You must have been outta your mind
When you let me go (mmm)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (oh)
I must have been outta my mind (You must have been outta your mind)
When I let you go (When you let me go) (mmm)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (Gotta let you know) (oh)
I must have been outta my mind (You must have been) (you were outta your mind)
When I let you go (oh girl)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (gotta let you know)
(Awkward-Craig David feat. Rita Ora)
Awkward (awkward), awkward (awkward)
Awkward (awkward), awkward (awkward)
Awkward (awkward), awkward, yeah
Awkward you, awkward me
Awkward after all this time a .... chance to meet
On the street so crowded with hustlers and dreams
And it's even more awkward seein' you wearin' that ring
And I can't say what happened, can't say when
I never thought that I'd get to see you again
I got, plenty more .... for all the .... I've been through
And I really can't believe it, is that really you
And it's killing me to see you again
And I can't help but wonder
If you'll really be with him for the long run
What have I done (huh)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (mmm)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (oh baby)
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know
You know
Awkward baby (awkward baby) (mmm)
Awkward darling (awkward darling) (mmm)
Awkward (awkward) (mmm)
Awkward (awkward) (yeah)
Awkward and I
Seem to feel like it's all a
Case of deja-vu but I, prefer to call it karma
'Cos usually I'm the one that's breaking apart
And after so much drama now it's me that's falling apart
And girl it's killing me
Find it so hard to breathe
Thought the grass was greener
But now I'd give anything to have you alone now
Just tell me how (huh)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (oh)
Think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (mmm)
Must have been outta my mind
When I let you go (ooh)
Think about you all of the time (baby think about you all of the time)
Gotta let you know (ooh gotta let you go baby)
You know
I was waiting for your love, you can only wait so long
I was hoping and praying you would see what was goin' on
Now we're standing here with open hearts
And I'm chained inside my world
Know you lost me boy and you can't change that
It's obviously clear (uh uh)
You must have been outta your mind
When you let me go (mmm)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (oh)
I must have been outta my mind (You must have been outta your mind)
When I let you go (When you let me go) (mmm)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (Gotta let you know) (oh)
I must have been outta my mind (You must have been) (you were outta your mind)
When I let you go (oh girl)
I think about you all of the time
Gotta let you know (gotta let you know)
(Awkward-Craig David feat. Rita Ora)
should I?
hari ini bener-bener ancur, sialan banget. tugas sebanyak apa tau, malu setengah mati pas drama Bahasa Indonesia, dan kegalauan yang merebak kembali pas sore-sore. tidaaaaak, tapi gua ngga boleh ngeluh sih. tapi apa salahnya gua cerita? blog gua ini kan? #nyolot
hari ini tugas bejubel banyaknya. kenapa wahai guru-guru ngga kasian liat anaknya stress kebat-kebit lari pontang-panting gara-gara tugas? teteep aja ngasih tugas yang ngga kira-kira. jangan sampe bikin urat kebahagiaan gua putus atau sel-sel kegembiraaan gua hangus. (?)
pas drama Bahasa Indonesia, kan gua jadi cowok ceritanya, tepatnya jadi raja. udah yahud yahud cikitiw akting gua, ealah pas mau ngebunuh permaisurinya, gua malah dengan bodohnya menghilangkan pisau boongan di saku gua. dan kopeah gua lepas. dan gua jadi malu. diketawaain. Pak Setia ngakak pula. #gantungdiri
terus tadi tugas si LIA. sialan nih ah essay 250 kata, mana gua kagak ngerti tuh tema maksudnya apa. orang-orang mah pada ngerti kan yaa, secara pada nonton video tentang temanya itu. lha gua? ga masuk kemarennya. dodoool -__- untung ada Fani sama Rayna, nolongin gua buat. aaaah guys, you are my life-saver! xDD
terus pas pulang sekolah di angkot deket pasar yang panasnya menyiksa sekali, gua sendirian calangap ga ada temen. mau sms siapa ge gatau. akhirnya iseng sms si Poon. eh dibales coba! dibales!! wetsah gua jadi seneng gembira bungah sakit pedih kangen jadi satu, hati gua pun cenat-cenut kayak SM*SH di panggung joget-joget. gua kan nanya kabar dia, dia jawab "baik-baik aja kok hehee" beuh rasanya gua pingin lompat-lompat tapi takut kejeduk kapnya angkot. tapi entah kenapa rasanya deep inside tuh gua kesiksa banget. bukan keinget sama apa yang gua dan dia pernah alami, atau kesakitan setengah tahun lalu., gua kesiksa banget karena gua menyadari kalau gua sangat sangat kangen rindu miss miss sekali, sama si Poon. gua pingin banget dia disini di depan gua, senyum atau apa kek. entah kenapa gua tiba-tiba jadi nangis *cemen abis, gua tau* tapi sumpah ngga sanggup gua. rindunya meletup-letup abis. mana pas itu gua lagi di depen Telkom. kalau dia baca ini, pasti inget ada apa disana.
akhirnya gua bales "kangen tau hahaha ga pernah ngasih kabar".
after all this time, i still cant forget about you. anything hasnt changed yet. the feelings, the memories, your glowing eyes, are still flashbackin in my mind. God damn, i miss you so really much. i-miss-yaa!
hari ini tugas bejubel banyaknya. kenapa wahai guru-guru ngga kasian liat anaknya stress kebat-kebit lari pontang-panting gara-gara tugas? teteep aja ngasih tugas yang ngga kira-kira. jangan sampe bikin urat kebahagiaan gua putus atau sel-sel kegembiraaan gua hangus. (?)
pas drama Bahasa Indonesia, kan gua jadi cowok ceritanya, tepatnya jadi raja. udah yahud yahud cikitiw akting gua, ealah pas mau ngebunuh permaisurinya, gua malah dengan bodohnya menghilangkan pisau boongan di saku gua. dan kopeah gua lepas. dan gua jadi malu. diketawaain. Pak Setia ngakak pula. #gantungdiri
terus tadi tugas si LIA. sialan nih ah essay 250 kata, mana gua kagak ngerti tuh tema maksudnya apa. orang-orang mah pada ngerti kan yaa, secara pada nonton video tentang temanya itu. lha gua? ga masuk kemarennya. dodoool -__- untung ada Fani sama Rayna, nolongin gua buat. aaaah guys, you are my life-saver! xDD
terus pas pulang sekolah di angkot deket pasar yang panasnya menyiksa sekali, gua sendirian calangap ga ada temen. mau sms siapa ge gatau. akhirnya iseng sms si Poon. eh dibales coba! dibales!! wetsah gua jadi seneng gembira bungah sakit pedih kangen jadi satu, hati gua pun cenat-cenut kayak SM*SH di panggung joget-joget. gua kan nanya kabar dia, dia jawab "baik-baik aja kok hehee" beuh rasanya gua pingin lompat-lompat tapi takut kejeduk kapnya angkot. tapi entah kenapa rasanya deep inside tuh gua kesiksa banget. bukan keinget sama apa yang gua dan dia pernah alami, atau kesakitan setengah tahun lalu., gua kesiksa banget karena gua menyadari kalau gua sangat sangat kangen rindu miss miss sekali, sama si Poon. gua pingin banget dia disini di depan gua, senyum atau apa kek. entah kenapa gua tiba-tiba jadi nangis *cemen abis, gua tau* tapi sumpah ngga sanggup gua. rindunya meletup-letup abis. mana pas itu gua lagi di depen Telkom. kalau dia baca ini, pasti inget ada apa disana.
akhirnya gua bales "kangen tau hahaha ga pernah ngasih kabar".
after all this time, i still cant forget about you. anything hasnt changed yet. the feelings, the memories, your glowing eyes, are still flashbackin in my mind. God damn, i miss you so really much. i-miss-yaa!
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2011
Lonely Fiction
have you ever felt so alone?
when everybody's yelling around you.
when you keep holding on in a crowded.
but deep inside, you know you're so lonely.
have you ever thought that you are so insane?
for saying 'yes'.
for letting your lovely one go.
for every mistake you made.
have they made you feel so guilty?
have you ever felt so lost?
when there's no way to go.
no way to run.
no way to come home.
and all you could see is only darkness.
have you ever thought like these?
like, "what is home?"
or, "what am i doing?"
even, "who am i?"
have you ever cried in the middle of the night?
when nightmares knock your door.
when all the memories fill your dreams.
and when you're awake, you realize that you're so broken.
have you ever felt so tired of running?
have you ever stared at the sky?
feel your hopes and wishes bring you up.
then the truth throws you down to the ashes and dusty place.
and everything's gone, remains nothing.
when you come up with everything, and go home with nothing.
when you show yourself with love, and leave that place with hatred.
when you say "i'm okay", but deep inside "i'm in pain".
when you hope that someone comes and brings you home,
but you know, there will be no one.
no one comes, even in your mind.
and everything says goodbye, walk away.
then your dreams leave you, lonely.
now you're alone, with no light.
and then you realize that..
you are just a lonely alone fiction, now.
-Shadrina Fitri Ghazani-
when everybody's yelling around you.
when you keep holding on in a crowded.
but deep inside, you know you're so lonely.
have you ever thought that you are so insane?
for saying 'yes'.
for letting your lovely one go.
for every mistake you made.
have they made you feel so guilty?
have you ever felt so lost?
when there's no way to go.
no way to run.
no way to come home.
and all you could see is only darkness.
have you ever thought like these?
like, "what is home?"
or, "what am i doing?"
even, "who am i?"
have you ever cried in the middle of the night?
when nightmares knock your door.
when all the memories fill your dreams.
and when you're awake, you realize that you're so broken.
have you ever felt so tired of running?
have you ever stared at the sky?
feel your hopes and wishes bring you up.
then the truth throws you down to the ashes and dusty place.
and everything's gone, remains nothing.
when you come up with everything, and go home with nothing.
when you show yourself with love, and leave that place with hatred.
when you say "i'm okay", but deep inside "i'm in pain".
when you hope that someone comes and brings you home,
but you know, there will be no one.
no one comes, even in your mind.
and everything says goodbye, walk away.
then your dreams leave you, lonely.
now you're alone, with no light.
and then you realize that..
you are just a lonely alone fiction, now.
-Shadrina Fitri Ghazani-
my birth-o-day :D
hello again, my fella :)
selasa ini kan gua ultah yaa, 11 Januari 2011. 11-01-11. tanggal yang hanya bisa terjadi satu kali dalam 989 tahun :3
angka yang bagus kan kiw hahaha tapi sumpah ultah gua sebenernya biasa-biasa aja. ngga ada yang aneh atau apa gitu. i love my 14th birthday actually, sama best friends pas SMP juga sama... dia. inget banget gua ditampar sama tangan dia yang segede apa itu. ouch that was hurt.
atau pas gua ditamparin sama temen2 gua, apalagi andin. nangis gua ditampar dia hahaha. atau pas pulang BP, gua ngumpul sama mereka-mereka dan traktiran di McD Lodaya. what a lovely day :')
tahun ini ultah gua bener-bener biasa aja (sakali).
bangun sambil dimanjain sama bokap nyokap, liat hape dengan ucapan ultah mulai dari teh putri sampe alira. aduh gua ngakak kalau inget teh putri, ngucapin ultah paling pertama, tapi yang bikin antiklimaks adalah... gua ngga tau kalau itu nomor dia. jadi gua bales sms dia gini, "makasih yah hahaha iyaa amiin amiin tapi elu siapa ya? aduh maaf ga punya nomor lu" HAHAHA xD
sekolah biasa, anjir parah ngga ada yang inget diantara temen2 kelas gua *nangis bombay*
yang inget cuma beberapa aja yang emang beneran deket sama gua. kayak si rayna, niatnya ngucapin jam 15.00, malah ngucapin jam 15.30, alasannya : aduh kelewat shad hihi. *hening* *cengo*
temen-temen SMP banyak yang seliweran kan di sekolah, jadi mayan deh banyak yang ngucapin. tapi dia ga ngucapin. aduh gimana dong? sakit hati nih ouch #plak
Rabunya gua jalan sama dilla kekak ke Pak Ewok tea tah tah di TaKen, gua yang nraktir, ditambah gua yang jadi setan diantara mereka berdua. payaah deh -___-a
walaupun ultah gua ngga sebagus tahun-tahun kemaren, i just wanna say thank to God for giving me such a beautiful life fulls of friends and beloved people.
thanks a million to my parents who give me unlimited love forever. you're the best, mommy and daddy :D
thanks to all of my friends who give so much cares and attention, love you guys always :)
thanks to my lovely, even that you didnt say "happy birthday" to me, you're still my lovely. aaah unyuuu #kabur
happy 15th birthday, dear Shadrina :)
selasa ini kan gua ultah yaa, 11 Januari 2011. 11-01-11. tanggal yang hanya bisa terjadi satu kali dalam 989 tahun :3
angka yang bagus kan kiw hahaha tapi sumpah ultah gua sebenernya biasa-biasa aja. ngga ada yang aneh atau apa gitu. i love my 14th birthday actually, sama best friends pas SMP juga sama... dia. inget banget gua ditampar sama tangan dia yang segede apa itu. ouch that was hurt.
atau pas gua ditamparin sama temen2 gua, apalagi andin. nangis gua ditampar dia hahaha. atau pas pulang BP, gua ngumpul sama mereka-mereka dan traktiran di McD Lodaya. what a lovely day :')
tahun ini ultah gua bener-bener biasa aja (sakali).
bangun sambil dimanjain sama bokap nyokap, liat hape dengan ucapan ultah mulai dari teh putri sampe alira. aduh gua ngakak kalau inget teh putri, ngucapin ultah paling pertama, tapi yang bikin antiklimaks adalah... gua ngga tau kalau itu nomor dia. jadi gua bales sms dia gini, "makasih yah hahaha iyaa amiin amiin tapi elu siapa ya? aduh maaf ga punya nomor lu" HAHAHA xD
sekolah biasa, anjir parah ngga ada yang inget diantara temen2 kelas gua *nangis bombay*
yang inget cuma beberapa aja yang emang beneran deket sama gua. kayak si rayna, niatnya ngucapin jam 15.00, malah ngucapin jam 15.30, alasannya : aduh kelewat shad hihi. *hening* *cengo*
temen-temen SMP banyak yang seliweran kan di sekolah, jadi mayan deh banyak yang ngucapin. tapi dia ga ngucapin. aduh gimana dong? sakit hati nih ouch #plak
Rabunya gua jalan sama dilla kekak ke Pak Ewok tea tah tah di TaKen, gua yang nraktir, ditambah gua yang jadi setan diantara mereka berdua. payaah deh -___-a
walaupun ultah gua ngga sebagus tahun-tahun kemaren, i just wanna say thank to God for giving me such a beautiful life fulls of friends and beloved people.
thanks a million to my parents who give me unlimited love forever. you're the best, mommy and daddy :D
thanks to all of my friends who give so much cares and attention, love you guys always :)
thanks to my lovely, even that you didnt say "happy birthday" to me, you're still my lovely. aaah unyuuu #kabur
happy 15th birthday, dear Shadrina :)
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