Lonely Fiction

have you ever felt so alone? 
when everybody's yelling around you. 
when you keep holding on in a crowded. 
but deep inside, you know you're so lonely. 


have you ever thought that you are so insane? 
for saying 'yes'. 
for letting your lovely one go. 
for every mistake you made. 
have they made you feel so guilty? 


have you ever felt so lost? 
when there's no way to go. 
no way to run. 
no way to come home. 
and all you could see is only darkness. 


have you ever thought like these? 
like, "what is home?" 
or, "what am i doing?" 
even, "who am i?" 


have you ever cried in the middle of the night? 
when nightmares knock your door. 
when all the memories fill your dreams. 
and when you're awake, you realize that you're so broken. 
have you ever felt so tired of running? 


have you ever stared at the sky? 
feel your hopes and wishes bring you up. 
then the truth throws you down to the ashes and dusty place. 
and everything's gone, remains nothing. 


when you come up with everything, and go home with nothing. 
when you show yourself with love, and leave that place with hatred. 
when you say "i'm okay", but deep inside "i'm in pain". 
when you hope that someone comes and brings you home, 
but you know, there will be no one. 


no one comes, even in your mind. 
and everything says goodbye, walk away. 
then your dreams leave you, lonely. 
now you're alone, with no light. 


and then you realize that.. 
you are just a lonely alone fiction, now. 

-Shadrina Fitri Ghazani-