Terjebak.

terjebak.
terjebak di labirin yang sama.
yang terus membuatku berputar dan berputar.
tanpa menemukan jalan keluar.

terjebak.
terjebak dalam lingkaran yang sama.
yang memaksaku mengelilinginya tanpa henti.
dan kembali pada titik yang sama.

terjebak.
terjebak dalam keheningan yang sama.
yang menuntutku terdiam tanpa sepatah kata.
sampai batas waktu yang tak berujung.

terjebak.
terjebak dalam pikiran yang sama.
yang mengikatku dalam angan yang tak tergapai.
dan beribu kali ia mengangkatku dan menjatuhkanku ke dunia yang kosong.

terjebak.
terjebak dalam kisah yang sama.
yang membuatku menari berputar dan terdepak di tanah yang tandus.
dan selalu bahagia membuat raga ini kaku dalam kepedihan dan suka cita.

kadang, aku benci diriku sendiri.
aku benci sosok yang terpatri di cermin itu.
aku benci dengan mata nanar itu.
aku benci dengan air yang mengalir dari kedua mata itu.

aku benci diriku sendiri,
yang tak pernah berhasil keluar dari semua ini.
yang tak pernah berhasil menemukan jalan yang tepat.
yang tak pernah berhenti menjadi manusia yang terjebak.

i'm numb and hopeless.

a week.
a week is a short time to feel everything.
from meeting someone, falling in love, feeling mesmerized, desperate, and broken.

it's too fast, too short, too complicating.
i even couldn't see anything right now, really.
i just only have pieces of memories with you.

i just can't stand how it feels.
how it feels when i couldn't sleep.
how it feels when i'm too tired to stay awake and stand up.

i thought that was the time for me to move on.
yeah, i've already moved on.
moved on from the past that kept haunting me in my night time.

but you haven't.
you haven't moved on from those things.
i tried, but somehow i couldn't.

and now i'm asking you for one thing.
let me try again.
let me try to comfort you.
let me try to make you believe.
let me try.
don't make any wall again.
don't make any barrier again.
just believe, just let it flow.
let me have a second chance,
to make you feel relieved again.

i found that it's so damn absurd.

stress buat tugas Bahasa Indonesia. belum latihan nyanyi lagu sunda. oh maaaan!

i'm the one who wants to be with you.
deep inside i hope you feel it too.
waiting on a line of greens and blues.
just to be the next to be with you.

this is so 'you'. sorry, deep inside i'm sorry. i didnt mean to do that, to hurt you, to do whatever that makes you feel so sad.

let's enjoy these feelings, together. :)

let it flow.

sekarang gua bingung mau nulis apa, padahal kan tadi di sekolah otak gua berkecamuk memikirkan itu semua, ditambah dengan si Bu Jasmi jelasin (lagi) trigono. konsentrasi gua pecah. tidaaaak #sinetron

intinya. I've moved on. really, this is not a bulls**t anymore but well its true. I've moved on and I'm really glad to realize it.

i have never thought about it anymore. and now, it comes.

these are all the words i held back :)

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say

It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that

This was the very first page, not where the storyline ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

the things have changed

akhir-akhir ini, hidup gua membaik. jauh dari perasaan yang gua rasa beberapa minggu sebelumnya.

beberapa minggu lalu, gua sangat merasa kalo gua ga hidup. gua ga punya kehidupan. gua super galau *remaja labil, but what should i say?*. kayaknya gua bisa ngomong ke orang-orang itu, "silahkan, sakitin gua lagi. toh gua udah ga bisa ngerasa apa-apa lagi." pain made me feel so numb.

beberapa minggu lalu, semua kerasa susah untuk dilewati. mau belajar, ga konsen. mau tidur, ga bisa. mau makan, ga enak. mau main, malesnya ga ketulungan. terus maunya apa? tanyakan saja pada rumput yang bergoyang.

otak gua ga pernah kesampean untuk mengira kalau dia bisa kayak gitu. entahlah, mungkin otak gua yang dangkal. but wait, I didn't even realize that they know each other. yeah, this world is really really small. gua beneran ga ngerti kenapa bisa-bisanya mereka kayak gitu. tepuk tangan deh, hebat banget. *plokplokplok*

padahal kemaren waktu gua menyambangi sekolah dia, gua tuh emang beneran niatnya mau ketemu sahabat gua disana. eh ternyata malah ketemu dia juga. beneran deh, gua agak sedikit kaget. pas papasan, dia kayak langsung dadah-dadah ke temennya, terus temen-temennya juga haha-hihi gaje dan gugup, semakin judes pula muka gua. udah aja, dia kabur tuh keluar, gua kejar dia, ternyata.... dia sudah menghilang. entah lari atau naik angkot atau dijemput sama ehemnya. entahlah.

seminggu gua marah-marah bete kesel uring-uringan kayak induk ayam kehilangan telurnya. tapi ngga lama, gua bisa menetralisir keadaan sih ahahaha. mana sekarang gua dikenalin sama banyak orang, jadi yah gua punya banyak temen untuk jalan bareng, smsan, atau cerita-cerita. well, life is wonderful *maenin lagu Jason Mraz*

life is beautiful, when you think it is :)